Bonding with a new puppy after loss

Set- It is June of 2014. I am a young single girl fresh out of a toxic and abusive relationship. But, things are looking good in life! I just bought my very first brand new car- a black (interior and exterior. Perfect to throw dog fur into *sigh*) Honda Civic. All jazzed up with the screens and bluetooth everything. And right when I could have been driving around, going to bars and clubs in my new car, I thought I should go get a dog. So I did!

I knew I was going to start looking for a dog, but when I went to TJ O’Conner in Chicopee, it was completely on a whim. I was actually in line to get tickets at Six Flags and spur of the moment googled the nearest shelter, and left Six Flags to go there. I picked out a scrappy little pitty named “George”. As soon as I saw him bounce against the plexiglass to say hi, I knew.  The girl at the desk said he had been brought in just a few minutes prior, so she had no file on him and couldn’t let me see him yet. Naturally, I waited around until they gave in and let me see him. I signed the papers the next day, waited for him to get snipped and vaccinated, and then brought him home and named him Ruca. From that day on we were really attached at the hip. Looking back I had absolutely no idea what to do with a dog, but I lucked out with a shelter gem. We spent the summer swimming, surfing, hiking, going through multiple levels of group classes, taking road trips out of state, and snuggling up every night. Once the fall came around and I went back to work in a special needs school, Ruca came with me as the therapy dog in training. Again, total gem of a dog. The kids “earned” reading time and walk time with him, and other than that he hung out in one classroom and slept most of the day. We would typically go swimming or hiking after work every day, and he wouldn’t be happy with this blog if I didn't share this story— we were paddle boarding at a state park lake, pretty far from the beach shore when he saw kids on the beach playing with an inflatable beachball. He dove off of the paddle board and swam over to them to grab, shake, and destroy their beachball like a shark.

I told you… I had no idea what I was doing with a dog. Everyone was fine, and being the friendliest boy ever, the parents even laughed. But the kids… no so much. A few of them cried, and when I finally stopped laughing long enough to engage my muscles to paddle over, I apologized and plopped him back on the board. Buddy boy looked back at me with the proudest pitty smile. “We have to go back to training classes, Ruca..”

The picture I am trying to paint is one where this dog and myself were the best of friends and spent every waking moment together, and so so happy. I really stopped doing anything with anyone because I had my best buddy. And he really truly was what kept me happy and safe from the life I had before him.

We didn't get to spend enough years together, though. It's never enough time, but Ruca tragically died at a very young age. He stuck around long enough for me to meet the guy I was going to marry, but then he left. Absolute worst day of my entire life, and I don’t like to revisit that day.

Three whole dog-less years later, my new puppy came into my life. In another spontaneous and slightly unplanned for way, just how I like it. Brixy. A feisty fluffy oversized Saint Bernard/Husky mix puppy that we found in an “oops” litter at a winery. Again we knew she was ours, and a few days later, we took her home.

I loved her. Instantly. I am sure many women who are also dog moms can relate to that immediate motherly feeling with a new dog (yea, I know dogs aren't kids. Totally agree. Thats another blog post) and I had that with Brixy. But. I. Struggled. So. Much.

There was never a second that I didn't want her, or thought of sending her back. Never a moment of “Do I love this dog?”. Not a single glimpse of maybe I had made a mistake. Something was just..different. I would take care of this puppy all day, laugh at her, love on her, feed her, and then she would fall asleep in my arms and I would cry my still aching heart out. I missed my dead dog. It had been three years of grief and moving on, but having this new baby dog in my arms and in his space was really hard. The love was there but the bond took a lot longer than I would have thought, and in this case, I think it had to do with grief.

Of course over a short time that faded and she became my entire world, but I think this is an important conversation still.

Even without grief and guilt. Even without any prior memories of another dog. When we get a new dog or puppy, we are bringing in an entirely different species of animal into our home to cohabitate with us. We have no history of chemicals or trust. No idea what one wants or needs from the other. And really, its an entire lifestyle shift to live with a dog. A puppy? Total game changer! They are little pooping scavenging land sharks that bark. The stress of a puppy on top of the “new dog” swing in life is a major boulder of a cherry. Add in a trauma of losing a past dog.. yeah dude, thats rough stuff. Allow yourself some grace. Allow that baby dog some grace, too- they have just been taken from their mum and siblings and familiar surroundings and they need to learn you, too.

I can say all of this now after getting another puppy, working with puppies and their new families, and many many conversations and observations about the bond with a new pup. But at the time I was struggling bringing a new baby dog into my home, I felt terrible about it. I felt like something was wrong with me, and now I really don’t think that was the case.

Think of some of the best friends you have ever had, or the biggest love of your life. That took time, also. Immediate connection, sure, but the rest of that relationship had to take its own form over time.

Surely there are people who have gotten a new dog or puppy and never experienced this. I think that is just wonderful! If you have taken extra time to bond with your new puppy, or any reason- remind yourself it’s normal sometimes.